People are hard to please, aren’t they?
Most of us learn, pretty early on in our lives, that if you try to please everyone in everything you do, you’ll most often please no one- and been pretty miserable yourself.
One of the most important lessons that we’re supposed to learn in life is how to live with radical authenticity- which means to feel free enough and brave enough to be who God made us to be, with all of our quirks, our difference, and our uniqueness.
But this is also probably the hardest lesson for many of us to actually grasp, because we live in a world that values conformity over uniqueness.
In other words, our families, culture, our community- everybody has an idea of who we should be, how we should act, how we should live, what we should believe, and as a condition of belonging they demand we align with their desires for us. If we don’t, we are made fun of, chastised, poked at, or even sometimes pushed out.
So, instead of being ourselves, living our path authentically, doing what we’d naturally do, we repress ourselves, restrict ourselves, and play by the rules.
We do what everyone wants us to do.
And we’re rewarded with belonging. We’re rewarded with the peace that comes from fitting in.
But those rewards come at a cost- our authenticity, being the people that God actually created us to be.
Yet most of us choose to please others most of the time and are fine with sacrificing our true selves in order to fit in and belong.
In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus reflects on the ways that he doesn’t fit in with his culture and religion. He’s expressing frustration at the fact that when he lived his authentic truth, people scoffed and mocked him.
In Matthew 11, this is what Jesus says:
“But to what will I compare this generation? It is like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to one another, 'We played the flute for you, and you did not dance; we wailed, and you did not mourn.’ For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon'; the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds."
He looks at out the people surrounding him and says “you’re just a bunch of whiney children”, essentially.
He says “whatever I do, whatever I say, however I act, you will be displeased.”
He says when his cousin John was doing ministry, he did it as an ascetic- he fasted, didn’t eat or drink, didn’t even wear normal clothing as a sign of his devotion to God, and yet people mocked him as demonic.
Then Jesus speaks about his own path- he eats good food, drinks good wine, dances at parties, and enjoys all that God has provided him- and he is declared to be a glutton, a drunk, who hangs out with all the wrong people.
Jesus holds up two very distinct examples with John representing the austere, the holy, the sacred and set apart way of living and his own life which is very worldly, very down to earth, embracing of pleasure and joy.
Jesus suggests both of these paths are good- its about authenticity. John’s authentic path was that of fasting, prayer, and isolation in the wilderness. Jesus’ authentic path was being around the people, enjoying ordinary life. Both paths can be good if they are lived authentically- both paths can also be bad if their done out of ego or narcissism.
Right?
We all know someone in our lives that is “the most religious”- and we usually cant stand being around them. They are self-righteous, always judging others for not living rightly, and are usually convinced that they’ve got everything all figured out.
That is someone who is not living authentically. They’re using outward “holiness” to make themselves feel worthy of love- and this misuse of holiness actually results in the opposite.
We also all know someone in our lives who goes to the other extreme- they see life as all about pleasure, partying, and maximizing their own joy- and they usually are also pretty selfish, greedy, and irresponsible. Their actions usually hurt many other people in their lives.
You see, when we try to put on a mask and be someone whom we are not, we usually end up acting in unhealthy and unhelpful ways.
When we put on an identity that is inauthentic in order to fill a sense of emptiness within ourselves, people can usually tell- they can see that we’re performing a role, not expressing who God truly made us to be.
Jesus lives his authentic path- he’s a free spirit, down to earth guy.
John lived his authentic path- he’s a quite, deeply devoted kind of guy.
And in their authenticity, Jesus and John both experienced peace and joy, because they were in alignment with who God made them to be.
We see this in Jesus words in verse 25-26:
“At that time Jesus said, "I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and the intelligent and have revealed them to infants; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will.”
Jesus thanks God for the ability to live his authentic identity, even if others didn’t understand it or didn’t approve of it.
Jesus has a confidence, a joy, and a peace because he knows that he’s showing up as himself, unmasked, and unafraid to do what is right for him, even as people scoff at him, misunderstand him, and literally demonize him.
Jesus says that those who are “as infants” understand the truth of authentic living and those who think of themselves as “wise and intelligent” do not understand this.
What does this mean?
Think about it- infants and children come into the world as their authentic selves. They only know how to be who they are and express what they need. It takes time for them to learn to conform to the expectations and desires of others- parents will sometimes yell at them or express anger as they cry, and over time, they’re conditioned to believe that this behavior is not acceptable.
As they grow into infants, they are given certain toys, clothes, and colors and sometimes chastised for liking other toys, clothes, and colors- this is how gender identity is formed in a child. Boys are told that they must only play with trucks, like blue, and wear trousers, while girls are told they must play with Barbies, wear dresses, and like pink.
They are conditioned to be a certain kind of person. They are taught what is acceptable. And for so many people, we’ve come to learn, this forced conformity to certain gender expressions is not authentic to who they truly are, and later in life they experience gender dysphoria- or a sense that the person they’ve been forced to become is not the person they were actually created by God to be.
This is just one example that has been in our national conversation recently of the ways that some of us are conditioned to be inauthentic and it often results in a lot of suffering and pain.
But the truth is that all of us have experienced the pressure to be inauthentic. Pressure to resist what God is calling us to do or who God is calling us to be.
We’ve lost the confidence and carelessness of infants to just be ourselves- and we’ve put on masks that make us look “wise” and “intelligent” and “refined” and “adult” even though we are not being true to ourselves or true to God.
And guess what- even when we put on masks, even when we do what others expect of us, even when we are too afraid to be our authentic selves, we’re still critiqued by others- aren’t we.
Because people are impossible to please.
The goal of our lives is not to please others- not our parents, our pastors, our partners, or our friends- but to please God alone.
And the way to please God is not to insult him by insisting that you, his beloved Creation, must change to become something else to be worthy of love.
The pressure of trying to be what everyone else wants us to be, the pressure of trying to conform to others desires for our lives, the pressure to be perceived certain ways by certain people- it’s a lot. It’s a heavy burden.
We were not created to be actors, friends. (Sorry to any actors in the room!)
We’re not intended to try to make ourselves acceptable to anyone other than our Creator who looks at us in our authenticity and calls us “very good”.
Yet so many of us spend so much energy and time in our lives acting, performing for others, doing what others expect of us, fearful that if we don’t, we’ll be rejected, or we won’t get forward in life, or we will be made fun of, or we’ll disappoint someone.
And then, we all get rejected, get stuck, get mocked, and disappoint someone anyways.
So why not work to cast off the cares of pleasing others, and focus only on being authentic before God?
You see, when we show up in the world and just be ourselves, do what we’re called to do, and don’t concern ourselves with how others think about or perceive us, we might experience some awkwardness or rejection, sure, but we will also walk through the world with much more peace, lightness, and freedom.
This might seem like the most basic of messages- we learn this in kindergarten don’t we- but in my experience, many people go there whole lives forgetting that they are enough, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that you do not have to try to be anything you’re not.
Following Jesus is an invitation to radical authenticity as much as it is an invitation to die to our egoic selves.
To love yourself does not mean to be a narcissist.
To celebrate who God made you to be does not mean that you’re blind to the areas of weakness that you need to guard against or work on.
It simply means that you’re trusting that who God has made you to be and what God has called you to do is going to be priority number one- it’s an act of trusting that God knows what theyre doing.
The narcissitic or egotistical thing is to presume that God made a mistake, that you or anyone else knows better than God, and you feel the need to fit into some one elses definition of who you should be.
Jesus came, not looking austere and religiously pure like his cousin John, but was earthy, enjoyed good food, drink, and parties- enjoyed interesting people and himself was a very interesting person- and though he was judged and mocked for being authentic, he also walked with a sense of boldness, freedom, and closeness to God.
Because he didn’t think he needed to hide.
He didn’t feel like he needed to align with the religious folks ideas of who he should be.
He knew God made him for a purpose, and he lived in alignement with that, and walked with a sense of joy- so much so that he tells his disciples:
"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Jesus says to his disciples- stop carrying the heavy burden of others expectations. Stop carrying the weight of guilt or shame for not living up to someone elses expectations for your life. Commit yourself to being authentic, to living out your path- the path God gave you and calls “Good”- and if you do, you’ll experience a sense of rest.
And oh boy- I don’t know about you, but when I find myself getting pulled into the ego-driven rat race where I try to act like someone I am not, do things I am not wired to do, in order to meet others standards- I feel exhausted. I feel overwhelmed. I feel burnt out.
In our capitalistic culture, we’re told that this performance, this pushing of ourselves to adapt and become a version of ourselves that gets ahead and wins “the game”- that’s a value.
That non-stop pushing is a value.
That exhaustion is a value.
But, again, friends, we were not made to be actors. We were not made to climb ladders of artificial meaning and success. We were not made to live to please others.
You’re not supposed to live frantically, burning yourself out.
That’s not God’s will for your life.
God desires that you live in peace.
God desires that you experience rest.
God wants your “burden” to be light.
The only “burden” you must carry is that of living authentically in view of God- not anyone else.
So this morning, I invite you to take an inventory of your life.
Are you running yourself ragged?
Are you acting like someone your not to please someone whose opinion shouldn’t ultimately matter?
Have you felt forced to conform to someone’s idea of who you should be or how you should live, repressing the creative light of God within you?
Do you live and die by other people’s opinions- whether folks judge you, chastise you, or reject you because they don’t understand who you are or what you do in the world?
In my experience, if we pause and look inward, all of us are impacted by the pressure of conformity- and thus, all of us are invited today, by the Spirit of Christ, to make a choice:
To stop dancing for everyone but ourselves.
To stop putting on masks and acting like people we’re not meant to be.
To stop putting off our dreams, are callings, are inner sense of what is right in order to live by a script that someone else has written.
To trust Jesus- that when we show up as God made us to be, even if we’re judge or critiqued, that we can experience true peace because we know that God is with us, God is for us, and God delights in us being our true selves.
May each of us heed the voice of our loving Creator, calling us into authenticity and rest.