It happened again today. Something that has happened with increasing frequency in my life lately, since moving to New York City. I matched with a guy on Tinder, and began the usual conversation, “How are you?”, “What part of town are you in?”, “I’m bad at messaging here, want to move to Instagram?”. So we did. And within a few hours, I post something on IG that has to do with my job as a Pastor, and I see a message come through: “You’re a Pastor?!?”. I breathe deeply, and open the message- this is either going to go really well or really poorly- there is no in-between.
“Yes" I reply, including an angel face emoji, to be cute. “Of what religion?”, he asks. “Liberal Christianity”. I try to be as clear as possible up front that while I may be “Christian”, it’s not what most people think of when they think of Christianity. Unfortunately, progressive Christians have always been really bad at PR, so people don’t even know that we exist, which makes it hard to convince them that there is a version of Christian faith that is pro-choice, pro-women, pro-LGBTQIA+, anti-racist, anti-war, anti-institutional power, and non-dogmatic in a few short messages.
He responds “Ah, but the doctrine isn’t liberal, so how do you reconcile that?” I responded, “It is!” I want to explain the richness of progressive faith, the way it supports justice and liberation, the way it engages the Bible critically and not literally, the way it embraces doubt and unknowing, the way that it encourages exploration beyond the traditions of any one rigid religion. “The Bible?” he responds. “The Bible is liberal? The same Bible that says you can’t be near a woman on her period, homo is a sin, no meat on Friday’s, and let’s not forget split the baby in half? No abortions. No contraception. Child sexual abuse.”
He does have a point- there is much in the Bible that is simply ghastly. His assumption is that because I am a Christian, I must accept those things as true or good. What’s ironic is that even most conservatives don’t take those things literally, and most progressive Jews and Christians are more than willing to critique the immoral things that the Bible does endorse that are immoral and wrong.
Before I had a chance to respond, I received another message, “I’m gonna have to pass man I’m sorry. Just organized religion is not for me. Nor is it something I can support.” And with that, I was unfollowed on Instagram and unmatched on Tinder. I sat my phone down, and noticed that I was trembling. I was triggered because, on one hand, all I wanted was a chance to say “I KNOW! YOU’RE RIGHT! SO MUCH OF CHRISTIANITY IS SIMPLY WRONG! I REJECT THAT STUFF TOO!” and on the other hand, I feel rejected for holding on to my progressive Christian faith which has saved me from so much trauma, depression, and hopelessness and still guides me every day.
I sigh deeply. It really is a hard thing to be a queer Christian- to have to fight both with many in the Christian community to be accepted as a proud gay man, and with many in the queer community to be accepted as a Christian, because of the great harm that so many Christians have wrought to queer people.
The point of this reflection, however, is not to gain sympathy. Instead, it’s to reflect on how important it is for progressive people of faith to be more public with our work and witness, demonstrating to all those who have been harmed by religion and only know of toxic fundamentalism that there is another way, that progressive faith communities have been and can be powerful allies to movements of justice and liberation, and that there are people of faith demanding accountability and reform within the toxic religious institutions that continue to perpetuate hatred and harm so publicly.
I wish this person on Tinder and the thousands of queer folks that have been deeply harmed by religious leaders could see the thousands of queer clergy that are diligently working for the spiritual healing and wholeness of queer people and all people in churches across this nation. Clergy who are willing to reject immoral theology and ethics, and to provoke theological imagination to conceive of new ways of believing and living as people of faith that is actually life giving.
I wish this not so that we can covert more people to progressive Christianity, nor so that Christianity can have better PR in general. I believe progressive Christians have a moral responsibility to help those who have religious trauma heal, regardless of where it may lead them. We do still bear responsibility for how our broad tradition has harmed and continues to harm millions of people. We should be owning the harm done in Jesus name, repenting of it in ways large and small, and seeking to find ways to facilitate healing. So many people are left to try to heal on their own, feeling completely rejected and disregarded by everyone who calls themselves “Christians”.
I desire progressive Christians to work harder to be more public because we’re letting fundamentalists win by dominating what people think of when they think about religion, and millions of people feel like there is no room for them at all to engage religion and spirituality because it has been so corrupted by fundamentalism. Progressive churches and institutions can be powerful collaborators with other progressive individuals and organizations to bring about substantial social and political change, but many people don’t even think to collaborate with us because they assume we’re the enemy. (and rightfully so!)
But on top of it all, if progressive Christians can get our act together, it would make dating a hell of a lot easier for me.
So progressive Christians, can we get on this?
Thanks a bunch. <3